I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize