I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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