Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
