..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
