Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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