i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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