I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
