Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
