i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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