did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
