just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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