How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
