I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
