your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
