Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
