im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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