so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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