i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
