why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
COCAINE IS GR8
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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