pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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