I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
