so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
