what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize