theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
