just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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