and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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