Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
