we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
either way he was missing a nipple.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize