This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
