I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
