I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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