nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
