Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
