Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
