literally had 100 drinks last night.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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