Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
