grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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