All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
