then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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