Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
