if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
