It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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