I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize