I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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