I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
