went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
