youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
PANTIES FOUND
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
