her vagine was all disorganized.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
