i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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