Tell her she can't have a vagina
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
