I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize