I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
