you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
