And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
