wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
