she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
