you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
