i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
