Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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