How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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