FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
