You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize