boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
