So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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