can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
