I wannas sexs uuuuu
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
