What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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