Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize