dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
