I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
