don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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