I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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