Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
