I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
