Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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