Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
