I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
