Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
