Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
