I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
