Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
