There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
