Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
