Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
