Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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