My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
