ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
