I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
