my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize