I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
