Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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