i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
