"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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