yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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