When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think my moral compass just broke
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
