um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
operation have a gay friend backfired
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
