I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize