I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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