They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
