Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I lost the right to judge tonight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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