she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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