Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
