apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
