Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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