Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
