But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
