i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
