literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
