I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
