so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
