We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
