Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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