I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
